pr157 (pr157) wrote in gayrelationship,

Dealing with Break-ups

I posted here a few months ago, about what to do for the 3 year anniversary, but now the relationship is over. I've been okay, cried a lot, I've been journaling, talking to friends, the whole shebang. I'm not totally healed or whatever, but I'm doing pretty well I think.
Anyways, the ex texted me the other day at 3:45am asking if I was staying at my mom's or my sister's (I'm home from school over the break, and obviously can't stay at the apartment we used to share). It's very unlike him to be awake or texting at that hour, so when I woke up at 8am and saw the text, I responded 'At mom's, is everything okay?'.
He responded later 'yeah, I guess. I haven't slept in like four days, sleeping pills aren't working anymore. I think I was having a panic attack or something. I'm going to spend the rest of the break at my parents and maybe go see a doctor'.
Now, I know I'm the ex, but I also know him extremely well. I know that since the break up he's been having anxiety problems, which has been causing him to not be able to sleep well. I also now that he wouldn't lie to me about this stuff, he's better than that.
I'm not sure if I should contact his parents, so that they know what's been going on, he doesn't have a good relationship with them, so I don't know if he will talk to him on his own.
Should I contact them in case the situation gets worse?
Thanks everyone

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If they were nice to you. I'd go ahead and call them and give them a heads up and leave it at that. They can take it from there if they so choose to ask.
You don't provide any details as to why your ex ".. doesn't have a good relationship..." with his parents.

If the cause relates to a powerful detachment by his 'rents, I don't think it would be a good idea for you to insert yourself into that situation.

However, if the familial dysfunction is minimal, and they'll listen to you, some form of heads-up might be beneficial. Dunno what your ex will think for doing it (ie, it may usurp his cherished independence), so you might want to think through the situation before taking action.
Well, it is a hard call to make there.
Either he is having problems to the degree you seem to hint at, or this is a sympathy stunt on his part to manipulate you into doing something.
I hate to be cynical, but I have been through enough break ups to know what can happen.
I would say interfering is a bad idea. It is impossible for you to be objective about the situation and you also don't have all of the information. That kind of intrusion isn't likely to make him feel any better.

So who did the breaking up, you or him?
After I went to grad school, things just started falling apart. He made the first move toward 'this isn't working', but I placed the call to him to say that it was over, which was something we both had known for a while, but neither one wanted to admit.i
I think that if you are inclined to intervene, a better approach would be for you to ask him if he has told his parents, if not whether he would be willing to, and if he is not willing to whether he would like for you to talk with them on his behalf. If you get as far as that and his answer is still no, you should probably strongly consider butting out, but if you are still going to contact them you should let him know you are going to do so against his wishes and why.
Well, i in particular wouldn't say anything to his parents.
In my experience, it is completely normal to feel that way after a breakup...especially if you are the one that was broken up with.
did you speak to him further after that text conversation...?
...If so, consider what he told you.

But the fact that he said that he is going to see a Dr. means that he acknowledges that he needs help...and is seeking it.
Since he text you, he probably needs support.
So even though you guys are not together, you should support him...because he was obviously a big part of your life, and you can't just let someone that meant so much to you perish.

If you spoke to him and he mention thoughts of suicide, then tell his family.

aka: "I'm sorry to hear you haven't been sleeping well. it's good you are going to see a dr.
idk wtf the aka part was....i didnt even send that...lmfao!
good luck!! <3