Ku-RehSu Jone (punkbassoon) wrote in gayrelationship,
Ku-RehSu Jone

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maybe it's a moot point ...

... but I have to wonder about the concept of just "throwing in the towel" and "cutting my losses" as it were. I've been dating for more than 10 years now. But nothing lasting has come of my dating experiences. And yes, it's usually been a moot point, because my constitution hasn't been strong enough to just lay off in the past. I'm thinking perhaps now's a good time to just call it quits, call it a good run, and just figure out what my life can be without having to deal with an intimate relationship, and just learn to be happy by myself. I just don't feel good about trying to be mid-aged and starting something. While that may work for some, it doesn't feel like something I would want; I feel like now I should have been settling down in my mid-30s already, getting ready to make good on that concept known as a long-term relationship. Perhaps I've just overly espoused the notions from other forms of commitment on the planet, namely the idea of "''til death do us part." That's basically the model I had, with my parents, as they would still be together if my mother wasn't dead. I'm not suggesting that such a sort of model was one to copy "verbatim," but one in which to follow the direction of. And now I just can't even seem to start a good relationship, much less keep them. in some ways, I'm not sure what I'm asking for via this post. Maybe it's for support in moving away from a relationship-wish, to learning to be content alone.
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