Ku-RehSu Jone (punkbassoon) wrote in gayrelationship,
Ku-RehSu Jone

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maybe it's a moot point ...

... but I have to wonder about the concept of just "throwing in the towel" and "cutting my losses" as it were. I've been dating for more than 10 years now. But nothing lasting has come of my dating experiences. And yes, it's usually been a moot point, because my constitution hasn't been strong enough to just lay off in the past. I'm thinking perhaps now's a good time to just call it quits, call it a good run, and just figure out what my life can be without having to deal with an intimate relationship, and just learn to be happy by myself. I just don't feel good about trying to be mid-aged and starting something. While that may work for some, it doesn't feel like something I would want; I feel like now I should have been settling down in my mid-30s already, getting ready to make good on that concept known as a long-term relationship. Perhaps I've just overly espoused the notions from other forms of commitment on the planet, namely the idea of "''til death do us part." That's basically the model I had, with my parents, as they would still be together if my mother wasn't dead. I'm not suggesting that such a sort of model was one to copy "verbatim," but one in which to follow the direction of. And now I just can't even seem to start a good relationship, much less keep them. in some ways, I'm not sure what I'm asking for via this post. Maybe it's for support in moving away from a relationship-wish, to learning to be content alone.
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Well, if you do give up and quit, you might as well stop living while you are at it. As harsh as that may seem to be, my philosophy is that as long as I can still draw a breath, there is always an oppurtunity to try to improve things in my life. The battle is never easy, but it is only a smaller part of the larger war of life.
"just learn to be happy by myself"

see.... that's the ticket. you can't and won't find happiness with someone else until you find it for and in yourself alone.

Another person doesn't complete you, they compliment you.

Call it platitudes or whatever you want. but I've got 38 years of experience that says it's true.

Good luck and much happiness to you!
I will say this much—I can and do things by myself. It's not that I have to be with someone. However I'd like to be with someone. I had a taste of that last year, a relationship that lasted nearly 7 months after four years of being single. Don't feel I'm a bad person, but with the place I'm in now, I wonder.
Yes you do things by yourself, but that is NOT the same as being happy with what you have and who you are. You long for being in a relationship. You equate the relationship to the happiness that you are missing. However, I believe you are missing the point. You need to be happy with where your life is at now. When that happens, doors do open. I've been where you are and it's the truth.
so frustrating. I should be happy. I have my own place in one of the most expensive parts of the world. Have a great job, soon to have my 3rd degree. but at times, it does get lonely being alone, and even at that, I'm trying to just keep myself busy by myself, whether it be watching movies or reading. As time goes by, sometimes it just feels unbearable.
Loneliness is a bitch. And it sounds like you are doing the things you are supposed to be doing. Even though you should enjoy this time of building a life for yourself, what have you done as far as the dating aspect. have you placed an ad, or has it been all online? I would suggest joining some social groups if you have yet to do so.
I've done a ton of social groups, dating online through a bunch of sites. I'm a bit weary of that all, the randomness, the guys who don't follow through, and the ridiculous ones who I have to take time to get rid of. enough to make me feel like, I'm soo done with this game.