Ku-RehSu Jone (punkbassoon) wrote in gayrelationship,
Ku-RehSu Jone
punkbassoon
gayrelationship

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newly single : where do I now go?

As I had posted in previous member-only posts, I went to counseling with my now-ex last week, and during the session, he broke up with me. In a terse nutshell, my ex had been feeling scared, trapped, and not happy with being in a relationship. He wasn't unhappy with me, however, just being in a relationship with me, and wished to no longer be in a relationship of any kind. While we still talk--only via his initiation on IM--I'm still sad, unhappy yet trying to accept and honor his wishes. I feel that's the only way I could truly love him, even if it meant letting go in this way. While some of our friends say there's a chance for reconciliation with a change of heart, I am not trying to give myself false hope. He has this "rule" we talked about, in which he has never gone back to someone who has ever held the label "ex." My dating life has followed a similar, but more default sort of rule. I'm just so confused and sad. He said it wasn't my fault, that he doesn't know what he wants, and that he and he alone can only figure out what it is. While I'm glad we're not enemies, this has been taking its toll on me emotionally and physically, not to mention socially (as we were a very public couple that gathered together a number of friends). I'm crying at least once nearly every day over this. Wish I knew where and how to find stability besides the other areas of my life (academic and career) that don't hold such issues.
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