Ku-RehSu Jone (punkbassoon) wrote in gayrelationship,
Ku-RehSu Jone
punkbassoon
gayrelationship

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newly single : where do I now go?

As I had posted in previous member-only posts, I went to counseling with my now-ex last week, and during the session, he broke up with me. In a terse nutshell, my ex had been feeling scared, trapped, and not happy with being in a relationship. He wasn't unhappy with me, however, just being in a relationship with me, and wished to no longer be in a relationship of any kind. While we still talk--only via his initiation on IM--I'm still sad, unhappy yet trying to accept and honor his wishes. I feel that's the only way I could truly love him, even if it meant letting go in this way. While some of our friends say there's a chance for reconciliation with a change of heart, I am not trying to give myself false hope. He has this "rule" we talked about, in which he has never gone back to someone who has ever held the label "ex." My dating life has followed a similar, but more default sort of rule. I'm just so confused and sad. He said it wasn't my fault, that he doesn't know what he wants, and that he and he alone can only figure out what it is. While I'm glad we're not enemies, this has been taking its toll on me emotionally and physically, not to mention socially (as we were a very public couple that gathered together a number of friends). I'm crying at least once nearly every day over this. Wish I knew where and how to find stability besides the other areas of my life (academic and career) that don't hold such issues.
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  • 4 comments
You would probably benefit from continuing counseling on your own.
I have been in counseling continuously for nearly the past 4 years. I have my own private practitioner separate from the couples counselor we saw.
I'd just say say to keep on doing whatever gives you comfort and stability outside of work and school. Like a routine or something. Like you watch a movie on TV on Friday night, and you go to brunch with friends on Sunday. Something like that.

Counseling, while a great idea, isn't necessarily going to be a "magic bullet". Some things you will just need to think through on your own and kind of figure out. But after a certain point it just isn't worth the mental stress. I guess what I am saying is take away whatever important lessons you may be able to glean from this guy (like what to do and not to do in a relationship), and then just move forward with your life. To quote the Pussycat Dolls, "I don't need a man!".
To quote the Pussycat Dolls, "I don't need a man!".


Not to be callous or take your comments too lightly, are you sure this isn't b/c the Pussycat Dolls aren't lesbians?