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Gay Relationship Advice

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find a online gay friend [25 Oct 2013|12:09am]

Hey,every members.I'm the newcomer,come from China.i just want to make a friend with you.we can share sth intersting one another through Skype.ID :Aiden Lee Bag
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New to Journal [08 Feb 2012|08:32am]

[ mood | hopeful ]

I am new to the Journal and hoping to find people I can talk to. I have been in a gay relationship for almost 2 years now. We have issues with our communication and I don't know what to do. I admit that in the past I have never opened up to my partners and now I have come a long way, but it doesn't ever seem to be enough. I don't know what I can do? I do try and I do talk, just not at the right times it seems. This seems to be the one thing that really bothers my partner. PLEASE help... 

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just me [17 Nov 2010|10:41pm]

HEY!! thought you will like to know that Candi_Cruz its now live on dirtystage watch it now.. don miss it!

Straight Girl Needs Help [09 Jun 2010|08:01pm]

[ mood | anxious ]

So i'm not in a gay relationship -BUT -this involves the gay community and i am BEGGING for some avice because i am completly confused....

To make a long story short- i recently found out that my gay (male) friend has a crush on me (I'm a girl), he told one of my good friends that he liked me, and he told her not to tell anyone but of course she told me :/ Just to clarify: he doesnt like any other girls, he's not bi-sexual, and hes only been with a girl once and that was in middle school (and that was before he came out). Is this possible? has this ever happened to anyone else on here? and even if not, what do you think i should do??? I'm sorry if this question doesn't seem pertinent enough, i just had no idea where else to go- i've tried searching it on the internet but nothing comes up on account of this is a pretty unusual situation....Thanks in advance to anyone who has input- im completly baffeled!

5 answerss | ask away

Dealing with Break-ups [05 Jan 2010|04:32pm]

I posted here a few months ago, about what to do for the 3 year anniversary, but now the relationship is over. I've been okay, cried a lot, I've been journaling, talking to friends, the whole shebang. I'm not totally healed or whatever, but I'm doing pretty well I think.
Anyways, the ex texted me the other day at 3:45am asking if I was staying at my mom's or my sister's (I'm home from school over the break, and obviously can't stay at the apartment we used to share). It's very unlike him to be awake or texting at that hour, so when I woke up at 8am and saw the text, I responded 'At mom's, is everything okay?'.
He responded later 'yeah, I guess. I haven't slept in like four days, sleeping pills aren't working anymore. I think I was having a panic attack or something. I'm going to spend the rest of the break at my parents and maybe go see a doctor'.
Now, I know I'm the ex, but I also know him extremely well. I know that since the break up he's been having anxiety problems, which has been causing him to not be able to sleep well. I also now that he wouldn't lie to me about this stuff, he's better than that.
I'm not sure if I should contact his parents, so that they know what's been going on, he doesn't have a good relationship with them, so I don't know if he will talk to him on his own.
Should I contact them in case the situation gets worse?
Thanks everyone

9 answerss | ask away

Three year anniversary [07 Sep 2009|10:34pm]

My three year anniversary is coming up (Saturday), and I'm not really sure what to do for it.  I am away at school in WV, and the bf is in FL.  He is planning on coming up about this time next month, and I have obligations all weekend, so a surprise visit isn't possible.  I've been looking around at florists, but money is tight, so if I spend $50 on an anniversary present, I want to make sure it will be on something that he will really like, and will be around for a while.  Any ideas?
5 answerss | ask away

Silencing the Christians [03 Jul 2009|12:07am]

Has anyone else heard of this or seen the program?  Apparently, it aired recently, around 8pm (primetime) just a few days ago, and the hour long program was based around how gays are trying to silence christians and keep them from having there own opinion.  It was aired on NBC, and I have already sent them an email to let them know how distasteful a show like this is.  I just wanted to share this, and hopefully get the word out about it in the hopes that others would send them emails as well.  Here's a link to the youtube video (it's really quite insulting):

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Allot has changed [15 May 2009|05:00pm]

Well certainly from the last post I did a few months back things looked kinda bad. All that has changed now thankfully for the better. Me and my partner are embarking on a new adventure together. We just bought a house down in Tampa, Florida and will be moving in at the end of the month. I really cant wait because that means 100% privacy and 100% intimacy. We will finally be able to really get to know each other seeing as though we haven't had that chance here under these circumstances. Sure we are comfortable and very happy with each other but the idea of having peace and quiet and really getting to know each other is pretty exciting.

We have talked about the sexual/intimacy factor of our relationship and how he really wants to spice things up once we are alone. I am very if not extremely sexual and so just the idea of a strong sex life again is something that makes me cream my jeans! Sad to say I've had the urge to look around a few times but never ever acted upon it due to my love and loyalty to our relationship.

So time will only tell.
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reflections from this morning's Calif. Supreme Court proceedings [05 Mar 2009|06:45pm]

[ mood | pensive ]

Musing I just had to jot down, x-posted to punkbassoon 

My experience of listening to attorneys and justices debate, as well as later hear the radio news playing sound bites from the protests all had my head spinning. Spinning into thoughts looking inward. Thinking of my life in terms of the fights in the courts, vs. my own struggle. The struggle to maintain my own equanimity despite feeling depressed regarding my single life, after a taste last year of a relationship. After four years of singlehood. And now I'm back to that alone state again. My thoughts range from wanting to offer unbridled support in the battle for marriage rights for the LGBT community to thinking how hypocritical my marching and protesting could be. Why? I feel if I am to participate I somehow must be beyond reproach in my relationships, my life. Surely this singlehood cannot merit the ends demanded by the current social challenges. So basically, damnded if I do, damned if I don't

I realize I have such unique opportunities for the cause of human rights among other social issues in my work as a library cataloger. Sometimes, I'm able to reveal what's normally hidden according to national standards—chapter titles in books not normally captured, but by local standards, things that my library does transcribe. With this, it's the hope that a researcher, student, or faculty member can move further along in their work in making the world a better place for those without a voice, without a means of changing their situation.

Even in this, I feel like my own connection to others has its limits at best. Limited enough that the special, intimate connection I seek eludes me. Through the wonderful people I've met in my life (as well as the not-so-wonderful people), I see peeks of what I want in that connection, what I dream of. I do ask a lot of my life—but why not, especially after so much has been asked of me as far as school and work. I can't seem to reconcile the quality of life I have experience and continue to in the academic and professional arenas, yet the intimate life appears to pale in comparison.

For the time being, here I go through school and work, try to work on the connections I do have, although some have withered on the vine and others still unfold, waiting like tender sprouts to issue forth and reveal what they may. I go forward at this juncture, scared at what I may find tomorrow. But I have no where to turn. Here I walk, into the vacuous, the unknown ...

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[03 Mar 2009|08:40pm]


Hey. I'm new, maybe you all could help me with something.

My partner and I have been together for nearly three years; might not seem like much to some but it's the longest I've ever had. To give added context, we met online and visited often (as often as I could while we were both still in high school), after graduation I moved across the state to be nearer. year and a half or so went by, now I'm here.

We used to be very physically intimate, now she doesn't even like to be naked around me. She has lots of school and work and family stuff, and I often got very frustrated having to always come second; now when I go out with my friend (yes, as in singular) I get calls from her within the hour asking when I'm gonna come home. She makes it clear she doesn't want me to go out, but in a weird passive-aggressive way. She alienates and intimidates my friend. She's often cold or outright harsh to me for no real reason and ignores me when she's over talking to my roommate, yet gets ridiculously clingy when I'm on the computer less than a foot away.

There's more, but I don't wanna fill up the post.

I came out as trans to her after a long painful process about 6 months ago I think. She NEVER talks about it, refuses to even acknowledge it at all. She talks to my roommate about everything and tells me nothing. I know she's not happy, and the way she treats me I'm not happy either.

I love her to death, but I don't know if I can keep going. My roommate wants me to do more to keep us together, but I have done everything I can think of and she just doesn't care.

What do you guys think?

2 answerss | ask away

maybe it's a moot point ... [01 Mar 2009|07:45pm]

[ mood | lonely ]

... but I have to wonder about the concept of just "throwing in the towel" and "cutting my losses" as it were. I've been dating for more than 10 years now. But nothing lasting has come of my dating experiences. And yes, it's usually been a moot point, because my constitution hasn't been strong enough to just lay off in the past. I'm thinking perhaps now's a good time to just call it quits, call it a good run, and just figure out what my life can be without having to deal with an intimate relationship, and just learn to be happy by myself. I just don't feel good about trying to be mid-aged and starting something. While that may work for some, it doesn't feel like something I would want; I feel like now I should have been settling down in my mid-30s already, getting ready to make good on that concept known as a long-term relationship. Perhaps I've just overly espoused the notions from other forms of commitment on the planet, namely the idea of "''til death do us part." That's basically the model I had, with my parents, as they would still be together if my mother wasn't dead. I'm not suggesting that such a sort of model was one to copy "verbatim," but one in which to follow the direction of. And now I just can't even seem to start a good relationship, much less keep them. in some ways, I'm not sure what I'm asking for via this post. Maybe it's for support in moving away from a relationship-wish, to learning to be content alone.

7 answerss | ask away

[24 Jan 2009|03:50pm]

You know maybe I am making it out to be more of a problem than what it really is. Maybe I am just too sexually hyper and young for him I dunno. But I am 26 currently partnered with a man in his 40s. He's stressed out allot with work and money problems and home life while I am just home allot. We live with his ex-wife and her kid(yeah its a whole Jerry Springer life).  So needless to say even when we try to have a "private moment" it don't always happen.  The ex-wife is a needy controlling drunk who always has to be in every bodies business and her son(15) is always around as you can well understand.
We love each other that's not a problem. And there's no question about loyalty. It's the physical aspect of our lives that seems to be a problem. I being 26 am always in the mood while he seldom is. I guess its all the above listed problems that keeps his interests low. All I can say is that if I don't do anything "sexually" I go nuts and snap on him. A few times I've blown up at him over our limited sex life. I even find myself wondering what it would be like if I were single again. Just so I know I could have more sex more often. I mean before I met him I was always having sex. Not saying I was a slut or anything. I was just more active then.
I just wish I could find a way to calm my nerves about our sex life enough NOT to blow up at him all the time. Yesterday we were both in the mood. But we had a slight argument and we got stressed and thus we didn't do anything. Again its rare we even have sex, maybe once or twice a month!!!AH!
Am I being stupid? Am I making a big deal over nothing? Should I be more understanding of all the things he's going through and be more accommodating and be thankful he's as committed to me as I am to him?
9 answerss | ask away

help please i need advice!! [28 Nov 2008|03:14pm]

Hi my name is Lyndsay. i'm 17 years old and am bi sexual. i've many girl relationships but i'm puzzled and left heart broken and confused by this one girl.
her name is elyssa. we met a year ago. i met her in a mall and it was like we sorta clicked. she wasnt the type of girl i usually go for but she was funny and smart and cute and just easy to be myself around. well i ended up asking her out and we were together for almost a month. well half way into our relationship she dropped the "i love you" bomb on me...i was speechless. at first i told her i couldnt say it cuz i wasnt sure...and then when i started to think about it, and i looked into the future i could see us together for a loooong time. i ended up telling her that i really did love her...and it was true...i started to fall so hard for her so fast that it made my head spin...but then she ended up breaking up with me right before out one month.she met my ex girlfriend at a group and broke up with me for her. her names nicole and i dated that girl for 1 week. and honestly it was one of the biggest mistakes i've ever made. she was one of those girls who said they were bi and dated girls to get the attention of guys who thought that was hot.she was also very judgemental.

but anyway nicole ended up treating elyssa like shit. they break up and get back together all the time yet elyssa keeps telling me she loves me. the only problem is i don't trust her. i feel like what she's telling me she's telling nicole. i mean she's lied to me alot in the past year about what she's said about me and doing things behind my back. but i'm one of thoose people who always give people chance after chance after chance. i just dont know if i wanna do it anymore. i don''t know whether i should believe her. i mean i've always been there ot pick up the pieces when nicole hurt her, i've stuck up for her and i mean she's just done me so much wrong i dont know what to think...i just don;t know how to get over it.
what should i do?

6 answerss | ask away

brave new world? [23 Nov 2008|07:20pm]

I almost feel guilty for posting here because I don't see any new posts after mine a month or two ago. However, I am very happy and grateful for the comments I have gotten in the past in this forum.
the heart of the matterCollapse )

10 answerss | ask away

newly single : where do I now go? [05 Sep 2008|02:10pm]

[ mood | crushed ]

As I had posted in previous member-only posts, I went to counseling with my now-ex last week, and during the session, he broke up with me. In a terse nutshell, my ex had been feeling scared, trapped, and not happy with being in a relationship. He wasn't unhappy with me, however, just being in a relationship with me, and wished to no longer be in a relationship of any kind. While we still talk--only via his initiation on IM--I'm still sad, unhappy yet trying to accept and honor his wishes. I feel that's the only way I could truly love him, even if it meant letting go in this way. While some of our friends say there's a chance for reconciliation with a change of heart, I am not trying to give myself false hope. He has this "rule" we talked about, in which he has never gone back to someone who has ever held the label "ex." My dating life has followed a similar, but more default sort of rule. I'm just so confused and sad. He said it wasn't my fault, that he doesn't know what he wants, and that he and he alone can only figure out what it is. While I'm glad we're not enemies, this has been taking its toll on me emotionally and physically, not to mention socially (as we were a very public couple that gathered together a number of friends). I'm crying at least once nearly every day over this. Wish I knew where and how to find stability besides the other areas of my life (academic and career) that don't hold such issues.

4 answerss | ask away

relocating to India [17 May 2008|06:01am]

My partner had invited me to go and live in India for 18 months. Because of a recent job offer and other complications I don't think that this would be a good idea. i am wondering if people on this list have perspectives on long term relationships.
We have only been dating for a year so I am not sure if  the timing is right.
The opportunity is amazing for him and I don't want to make rash decisions....
12 answerss | ask away

Sexless Marriage? [09 Mar 2008|12:53pm]
[ mood | confused ]

My "husband" and I have been together for 6 years in April.  We got married in Toronto a couple of years ago.   When we first got together our sex life was "fun".   He wasn't "wild" or extremely experimental, but we pushed a few limits.   As time went by, our sex life diminished.   The experimenting became rare, and the activities became routine, and few and far between.   Where we used to have sex 2-3-4 times a week, now I'm lucky to get a bj in the shower once a month.

I've brought this up to him several times in the past, and he admits that there are some intimacy issues (his whole family seems to have them).  But I just don't know what to do in order to jump start our sex life again.   I know he loves me, but the non-physical issue is causing me to feel insecure about our entire relationship.  

Any thoughts, advice, similar issues to share?


7 answerss | ask away

Selfish? [11 Feb 2008|02:54am]

[ mood | confused ]

Hi, my name is Rene and I just joined...like two seconds ago lol.

I'm 19, and I've been in this relationship with this guy for almost two years. He's the sweetest guy I know, and I love him more than what's good for me. lol. He got me out of drugs, and the terrible life I was living. I owe so much to him. We're so deeply in love with each other...and that's why I feel bad about posting this.

When we have sex, it starts off like this:

Kissing, touching, getting naked. I go down on him, or he goes down on me. Some rimming, hand jobs. Then I top him or he tops me. End of story.

Before I met him, I was a bottom. Like, ALWAYS the bottom. I don't /mind/ topping, but I'd rather be the one getting fucked. I'm much smaller and skinnier than he is- it just feels off when I top him. =/

But what I'm reaaally trying to get to is- we basically have vanilla sex. I've hinted countless times about being more daring and trying some new stuff. Like, me dressing up as one of his fantasies (eg cop, fireman, librarian??? I dunno. LOL), or light bondadge, or JUST dominating me? Am I really asking alot? Am I being totally selfish and unfair? I mean this with no sarcasim. I want to please him, but I want to be pleased, too. He just won't give in. I just want something /different/. Sex feels so rehearsed now, and I'm so scared of boring him. He seems content, but who knows? I'm used to being thrown onto the bed, getting my hair pulled and just letting go. I have to hold back now so I don't scare him.

Can somebody give me some advice? Is there some way I can coax him into being more daring, or am I just being a selfish prick and need to shut up? Like I said, I'm deeply in love with him. I don't want to leave him. But sex is boring and feels more like a chore. Can I please him while getting myself off too?

Sorry for this long post... =/ I tend to babble.

2 answerss | ask away

Curiousity Question [11 Feb 2008|12:01am]

I've had this question on my mind for a while now, and I've finally decided to ask it.  Are there any gay guys/couples out there that don't believe in sex on the first date or first night you meet?  Is there anyone out there who wants to hold off on sex until a certain point in the relationship?  Please don't take this as an insult if you're somebody who didn't hesitate before jumping into bed, I know I've never been very good at it (waiting, that is).  I've always wondered that, because most people have this image in their head that gays are all about the sex, and I've just got to believe there are people out there who don't want to jump in bed immediately.  Lemme know what you guys have to say.

9 answerss | ask away

Relatiship Ending. [26 Jan 2008|06:37am]


 I have been with my boyfriend(ex for now) for 5 years.  We have been through alot.  We started a life together.  Financial investments, family, friends, and the whole domestic thing.  

<lj-cut text="Back story"> 

Again, after 5 years we have alot together.   

Let's start with me.  I am 26 years old and this is my second long term relationship.  My first was 4 years.  Anyway, I loved our life together.   I think our problems started when we started having 3-ways.  This led to BOTH of us being less than faithful.   I more than him.   I met someone about a year ago but was never serious about it although he found emails that  said otherwise.   I assured him that he was want I wanted for life.  We invested over $20,000 in a awesome backyard and pool.   Saying that, this is all under my name and credit.  He really doesnt have any.   Anyway, I also have a slight drinking problem and do stupid things when I drink.   I don't get physical but I can say really mean things.   It's really a binge drinking problem.   I am willing to work on it but all this stress is causing me to go down hill faster and faster.   I'm not looking for sympathy by any means.  Just thought I should be honest.

About him:  He is 41 years old.  Yes, considerably older but I never had a problem with that until recently.  He has always kept up with me and we partied alot together.    I was never one for the 3ways but he got me into it.   He has a heart of gold and has done so much for me.  He cooked cleaned and worked his ass off.  He is a cop so he used to work alot of details to add to our money.   We both did pretty good.   More recently, he met these two older guys.  One is like 65 and one is 60.  They have been together for 30+ years.   He really started comparing our relationship to theirs and all of our friends to them.   I distanced myself from that scene cause it wasnt for me.   Not just because of the age difference but because I enjoyed my friends closer in age.   

Now the delima:   About 5 months ago I met this boy who I absolutely went banannas over.  He was so cute, sexy, and fun.   I did fool around with him.   On the other hand, he fooled around with him when I was asleep in the same room.   That hurt me, even though I did the same thing.    We got passed it and I introduced this new boy to a friend and they started dating.   Well, this new boy didnt have a place to stay so my boyfriend agreed to let him stay with us.  That was a big mistake.   I started spending all my time with him and my boyfriend spent his time with the older dudes.   Eventually, my boyfriend told me that he had to leave or we were done.   So, I sent him away to another state.  My stipulation was that we needed to spend less time with the older dudes who put their two cents in our relationship more than they should have.   Oh, btw not that this is that important but they are millionares who like hanging with younger guys.   And my bf was very matierialistic so I guess they feed off each other.   Anyway, I moved to a friends house for some space.   My bf asked me to come back but I was just jaded I guess.   Well, the new boy that I sent away wanted to come back and I didnt see things working so I brought him back to live with me at the friends house.   When my bf found out he freaked, which he had the right to.   

So, now he is moving out to the older dudes house on the 1st of feb.   And the new boy is staying at my mothers house.   The new boy doesnt have anything.   He doesnt have a car.  I got him a job.   My dad takes him to and from work.   He's got criminal problems.  Dealing with DUI's.  warrants ect.   Plus, he has gotten physical and put his hands on me, popped my tires stranding me...ect.   Yet, he's too cute and acts like he truly loves me.  Gives me affection and all which I havent gotten really in the past year from the ex.   I know its not the best situation.    Now, on the other hand, my currenty bf (ex for now) is leaving me with all the finances.  Since they were in my name he can do that.  He says I can have everything but I cant afford it.   I have begged him to stay and he made a bunch of stipulations.  He says I cant talk to my old friends.  I cant go out.  I cant do hardly anything.   I finally said no, I wont live like that.   Is that being too harsh.   He told me he's not in love with me and that he feels sorry for me and only loves me like a father.   

Should I just let him go?
Should I try to make things work with this new boy?
Am I just filling an emotional void to put up with the new boys antics?
What do you guys think?

I know... what a cluster fuck right?  lol


Thanks in advance for any advice

8 answerss | ask away

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